It's a beautiful day today and I have been inside with the curtains pulled shut, sitting in a dark room with my laptop in front of me.
Have been thinking of all that has happened and all that is yet to come. None of it makes any sense. I keep wondering about the things that have happened and don't know why they did, just can't make any sense out of it. Would I do them differently if I had a chance - you bet I would!
I don't know what is planned for me, but I do know this that what ever I do today is going to be a part of what I get tomorrow. So I have decided to do things differently from now on. Not let the past ruin what I have today. I saw what it does to me when I end up thinking of all that has gone by and frankly, I don't like what I become when I am there.
Sometimes I just feel like going away. Just getting away from everything that is real. But I guess it's not possible in the real world... you just can't cut yourself out of the picture. Whatever I have to do is going to have to be done by staying right here, in the now.
I guess we have to keep doing a self check every now and then. Have to remind ourselves that things are not all that bad. And when they do get bad, we just have to open the curtains and look outside... only then will we see that the day is clear and its beautiful outside. And everything is going to be just fine.
I lost my happy place a few days back... and then realized that it was right in front of me all the time... all I had to do was open the curtains...
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
Thursday, June 12, 2008
The effect of a Song....
Its weird how a song has the power to bring back the oldest memory in such deep detail that you remember everything, even things you want to forget...
A song, the words... bring back everything...put you back in that moment. You can see yourself in the exact location or state you were in. What you were wearing, the ambiance, the smell and over all, THE FEELING... you feel the exact same thing you felt at that moment.
The heart captures whatever happens in those few minutes to a song that was playing at that moment. And of course this happens only when that moment means something to you... it doesn't matter if later on in life you think of that moment in the same way... you might want to hold on to it or completely forget it... whatever the case that one song just brings it all back to life...
Just another way our mind works... associating memories to a song... i wonder if we can do more with this power (can I call it a power?) or ability that we have...
A song, the words... bring back everything...put you back in that moment. You can see yourself in the exact location or state you were in. What you were wearing, the ambiance, the smell and over all, THE FEELING... you feel the exact same thing you felt at that moment.
The heart captures whatever happens in those few minutes to a song that was playing at that moment. And of course this happens only when that moment means something to you... it doesn't matter if later on in life you think of that moment in the same way... you might want to hold on to it or completely forget it... whatever the case that one song just brings it all back to life...
Just another way our mind works... associating memories to a song... i wonder if we can do more with this power (can I call it a power?) or ability that we have...
Monday, April 14, 2008
My Bucket List.... :)
Have written so much about everyday things that happen in life and make you think... thought of putting down somethings that I keep saying I want to do... it goes like... i have to do this... and have to see this.... well... here's what I want to do... (inspired from the Movie - The Bucket List...)..not necessarily in this order...
- Lose Weight
- Visit Europe
- Buy my own house
- Learn Photography
- Learn to speak a foreign language
- Learn to play at least one instrument
- Re-do the entire kitchen at my parents house as a gift to Mom.
- Sky dive
- White water Rafting
- See all of India
- Visit Alaska
- See the northern lights (Auroras)
- Go to the Caribbea
- Learn to swim.... almost there!!!
- Go SCUBA diving
- ...many more to be added..
Are they Selfish or Smart???
It’s sad how things change. The way the road suddenly splits and you have to make a choice. How people choose different paths. How they take the easy road when they hit a road block. Instead of trying to clear out the road block they choose to just walk away. It’s easy for some people to block things in life; things that are not doing any good to them in their life. Should that be called a selfish move or a smart thing to do?
Looking at it in one way only makes it seem the logical thing to do. I mean why bother oneself with things or people that are bad news for you. Just block them out of your life and go behind the things that make sense to you and what you truly want. Just chuck everything else. Throw it in the nearest available dumpster and walk away, as fast as you can, never look back and see what happened of it.
But like it’s said, everything has a second side. And this one makes it look like the most selfish thing to do. Use something/spend some time with someone for sometime because it makes you feel good at that time. Then after some time you realize that this thing/person that was making you happy is of no use anymore and is not doing you any good. So you toss it away. Not even giving it a second look. Not caring about what happens of it. Here I use ‘it’ for a person and a thing as that is what the person who has been through something like this feels, like an unwanted mantle piece.
It’s sad that there are people like this in this world. I keep wondering how one would get over this. This gash in the heart that opens every now and then, you carry on with your day to day activities not letting anything cause the gash to reopen and then something happens and there it’s open again. How long does it take to heal? Only time will tell, is the only answer that comes to my mind. No matter how much one tries not to think about it, it does not help. That pain is there all the time, reminding you that you stopped thinking about it and you are back to beginning of the loop.
The more you avoid it, the more you are reminded of it… so what is one to do? Think about it and hurt or not think about it to end up thinking all over again.
It’s a sad state that is beginning to sound funny… are you laughing yet?
Looking at it in one way only makes it seem the logical thing to do. I mean why bother oneself with things or people that are bad news for you. Just block them out of your life and go behind the things that make sense to you and what you truly want. Just chuck everything else. Throw it in the nearest available dumpster and walk away, as fast as you can, never look back and see what happened of it.
But like it’s said, everything has a second side. And this one makes it look like the most selfish thing to do. Use something/spend some time with someone for sometime because it makes you feel good at that time. Then after some time you realize that this thing/person that was making you happy is of no use anymore and is not doing you any good. So you toss it away. Not even giving it a second look. Not caring about what happens of it. Here I use ‘it’ for a person and a thing as that is what the person who has been through something like this feels, like an unwanted mantle piece.
It’s sad that there are people like this in this world. I keep wondering how one would get over this. This gash in the heart that opens every now and then, you carry on with your day to day activities not letting anything cause the gash to reopen and then something happens and there it’s open again. How long does it take to heal? Only time will tell, is the only answer that comes to my mind. No matter how much one tries not to think about it, it does not help. That pain is there all the time, reminding you that you stopped thinking about it and you are back to beginning of the loop.
The more you avoid it, the more you are reminded of it… so what is one to do? Think about it and hurt or not think about it to end up thinking all over again.
It’s a sad state that is beginning to sound funny… are you laughing yet?
What would life be without friends...
I want to dedicate this to all my friends who have stood by me at all times.
Everyone is selfish at one point in time. So was I. Maybe more than once. I admit it. There have been a lot of situations in my life where I have done things that I was warned against. But me being me, stubborn as a log, never listened and did what I thought was making me happy just to find out at the end that they have been right all along. Even after going ahead with what I thought was right and then being wrong they have always been there with arms wide open. Ready with tissues to help me through this.
I have always claimed to be very independent. A person who can stay on her own and not need anyone... but the truth is this is not entirely correct. I have always needed someone by my side at every point of my so called independent lifestyle. And I have found these guys next to me at every step.
I confess that I have done some really stupid things in life and have gotten myself in such situations from which I have always come out on the losing end. Instead of screaming at me and telling me "I told you so", my friends have been there telling me "Its ok, things are going to be ok".
I want to dedicate this blog to my friends, they have been my family when I am not at home and thats been a really long time now.
I have to say this that if it was not for them, there would have been a lot of days of depression and lonliness. They have never let me be alone, though they might not be sitting next to me. They have always been a phone call away. Ready to listen to hours and hours of the same talk.
I want to take this moment to Thank them ... though I know some of them would say that I am swearing at them by thanking them. But I really want to Thank them with all my heart. Coz I don't know how I would have gotten through all of my tough times.
Thank you for standing by me. Listening to me when all I did was babble. Thank you for holding the tissue box while I poured my heart out.
Thank you for being family to me.
I also want to say sorry. Sorry for all the things that I have said and done during all my different Phases. I know that I have said and done things that I have hurt you and there is no way I can change that. I can only say that I will not side-line you ever again. And if I do I invite you to come and take me left and right.
Gals and Guys I salute you for standing me and at the same time standing by me. Love you all!!!
Everyone is selfish at one point in time. So was I. Maybe more than once. I admit it. There have been a lot of situations in my life where I have done things that I was warned against. But me being me, stubborn as a log, never listened and did what I thought was making me happy just to find out at the end that they have been right all along. Even after going ahead with what I thought was right and then being wrong they have always been there with arms wide open. Ready with tissues to help me through this.
I have always claimed to be very independent. A person who can stay on her own and not need anyone... but the truth is this is not entirely correct. I have always needed someone by my side at every point of my so called independent lifestyle. And I have found these guys next to me at every step.
I confess that I have done some really stupid things in life and have gotten myself in such situations from which I have always come out on the losing end. Instead of screaming at me and telling me "I told you so", my friends have been there telling me "Its ok, things are going to be ok".
I want to dedicate this blog to my friends, they have been my family when I am not at home and thats been a really long time now.
I have to say this that if it was not for them, there would have been a lot of days of depression and lonliness. They have never let me be alone, though they might not be sitting next to me. They have always been a phone call away. Ready to listen to hours and hours of the same talk.
I want to take this moment to Thank them ... though I know some of them would say that I am swearing at them by thanking them. But I really want to Thank them with all my heart. Coz I don't know how I would have gotten through all of my tough times.
Thank you for standing by me. Listening to me when all I did was babble. Thank you for holding the tissue box while I poured my heart out.
Thank you for being family to me.
I also want to say sorry. Sorry for all the things that I have said and done during all my different Phases. I know that I have said and done things that I have hurt you and there is no way I can change that. I can only say that I will not side-line you ever again. And if I do I invite you to come and take me left and right.
Gals and Guys I salute you for standing me and at the same time standing by me. Love you all!!!
I don't know what to call this one...
Best friends, Friends Forever, Best Buddies... do all these things mean anything when you know that you are together only for a short while? What happens when you go back to where you've come from. For instance you are in a new town for work, you stay there for sometime and then after a while you know you are going to back. You meet a lot of new people, you get close to a few. But then what? One day you go back and then thats all there is.
You keep in touch regularly for a while and then it becomes once a week from everyday and then once a month and then slowly it just fades off. Not that you do it on purpose or anything. You just get so busy with your own life that a day comes when you run into each other and are like 'Oh my god! its you! its been so long..." or something like that. Why do we have such a hard time keeping in touch with people we once called our friends... ?
I was once told by someone that when you are away from home and make friends there, you are just friends due to need.. and it is just for that much time that you are great buddies and then when one of them goes back, its all over. All that remains is just memories of all the fun times that you had.
Why is it that you cannot keep in touch with people you claimed to be your great friends once you go back to where you came from? Is it so difficult?
Its happened to me as well... but i fail to understand it. I have accepted this fact that when the people I spend so much time with here go back to India, I cannot expect them to be the same. They are going back to their lives... something they have kept on hold. You don't matter to them then. As they are back with the people who have always been most important to them. You were just someone they ran into when they were out of town...someone for them to spend the time with while they made plans of going back.
You are only just a memory of someone who they met when they visited a new town...
Here's to all my good Friends and to all those people who said they were Friends Forever... Cheers!
You keep in touch regularly for a while and then it becomes once a week from everyday and then once a month and then slowly it just fades off. Not that you do it on purpose or anything. You just get so busy with your own life that a day comes when you run into each other and are like 'Oh my god! its you! its been so long..." or something like that. Why do we have such a hard time keeping in touch with people we once called our friends... ?
I was once told by someone that when you are away from home and make friends there, you are just friends due to need.. and it is just for that much time that you are great buddies and then when one of them goes back, its all over. All that remains is just memories of all the fun times that you had.
Why is it that you cannot keep in touch with people you claimed to be your great friends once you go back to where you came from? Is it so difficult?
Its happened to me as well... but i fail to understand it. I have accepted this fact that when the people I spend so much time with here go back to India, I cannot expect them to be the same. They are going back to their lives... something they have kept on hold. You don't matter to them then. As they are back with the people who have always been most important to them. You were just someone they ran into when they were out of town...someone for them to spend the time with while they made plans of going back.
You are only just a memory of someone who they met when they visited a new town...
Here's to all my good Friends and to all those people who said they were Friends Forever... Cheers!
Forgive and Forget !??!
Forgive and Forget...a very simple statement but it has great implications...
Is it possible to forgive a wrong and forget all the hurt and pain that was caused? YES, It is. Not an easy task but possible.
You might wonder, why forgive a person who has done you wrong or forget something that has hurt you and caused you pain, specially if the person who did it, did so knowingly. Well, its simple. For your peace of mind.
This is what I feel:
There is no point in keeping all the anger and frustration inside. The only way to move on is to completely forgive the person.
When I say completely forgive, what I mean is not have any grudge against that person what so ever. When you meet or speak to this person, there has to be no sign of the hurt and pain. You have to be at peace with yourself. Every time you feel angry or negative towards this one person just think of all the nice time you had with him/her. Thank God for all the nice times that you had and then forgive this person for causing you all the pain.
Come to understand that there are some things that you just cannot control. Why be angry at one person for something that went wrong. As they say... there are 2 sides to every coin. No one person is ever at fault. It has to be both ways. ALWAYS! At times it might so happen that only one person may be affected more in the whole situation.
Things go wrong. Shit happens. Its life. People fight, some make up some don't. But even if you don't make up doesn't mean you have not forgiven the person. You just have to be so at peace with yourself that whatever has happened should not affect you anymore. Forgiving someone doesn't necessarily mean that you have to be buddies again. Its just that you have to let go.
It takes a strong person to forgive someone and be-friend them again, after all that they have put you through. Everyone has this strong person in them. Its just a matter of time that this person will surface.
There are some who just move. But deep down inside they carry with them the pain of whatever has gone wrong. And then there is one day when all of it just surfaces and they go through the entire cycle of getting over it. Why do this to yourself? Why go through the horror over and over again. Forgive and Forget people. Be at peace with yourself.
Let go...Its not impossible, try it!
Is it possible to forgive a wrong and forget all the hurt and pain that was caused? YES, It is. Not an easy task but possible.
You might wonder, why forgive a person who has done you wrong or forget something that has hurt you and caused you pain, specially if the person who did it, did so knowingly. Well, its simple. For your peace of mind.
This is what I feel:
There is no point in keeping all the anger and frustration inside. The only way to move on is to completely forgive the person.
When I say completely forgive, what I mean is not have any grudge against that person what so ever. When you meet or speak to this person, there has to be no sign of the hurt and pain. You have to be at peace with yourself. Every time you feel angry or negative towards this one person just think of all the nice time you had with him/her. Thank God for all the nice times that you had and then forgive this person for causing you all the pain.
Come to understand that there are some things that you just cannot control. Why be angry at one person for something that went wrong. As they say... there are 2 sides to every coin. No one person is ever at fault. It has to be both ways. ALWAYS! At times it might so happen that only one person may be affected more in the whole situation.
Things go wrong. Shit happens. Its life. People fight, some make up some don't. But even if you don't make up doesn't mean you have not forgiven the person. You just have to be so at peace with yourself that whatever has happened should not affect you anymore. Forgiving someone doesn't necessarily mean that you have to be buddies again. Its just that you have to let go.
It takes a strong person to forgive someone and be-friend them again, after all that they have put you through. Everyone has this strong person in them. Its just a matter of time that this person will surface.
There are some who just move. But deep down inside they carry with them the pain of whatever has gone wrong. And then there is one day when all of it just surfaces and they go through the entire cycle of getting over it. Why do this to yourself? Why go through the horror over and over again. Forgive and Forget people. Be at peace with yourself.
Let go...Its not impossible, try it!
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