Change is the only constant in life goes the saying... so true isn't it. 8 months into this new year, and so many things have changed. Nothing is how it was at the beginning of this year. The only thing that hasn't changed is that I am still single :)
My entire friend circle here is broken... people have moved on to new things - new jobs, new homes etc... I am waiting for a group of people from work to make a decision on my near future.
It sucks how I have so little control on this particular situation. I read somewhere that when we have so many unknowns to deal with we should not dwell too much on it. Put those thoughts on the back burner and let the universe take care of it. Well its harder than it sounds - to not think about what's going to happen, not knowing where you are going to be at the end of this month - but I am trying to do it - to not think too much about it. I mean it does make sense doesn't it! Me spending every waking moment wondering what's going to happen is not going to change the outcome. All I can do right now is send out a positive vibe - and leave it to the greater power to make it happen.
I hope that works!
There are so many blogs and books out there that talk about the power of positive thinking and inner peace. It's amazing! I have experienced it.. the power of positive thinking. Its wonderful. It's a shame that I am not able to apply it to every aspect of life. All I am looking for is a little peace of mind... but isn't everyone looking for the same thing?
I guess that's the reason I have not been able to come up with anything to write about in such a long time. I don't think about stuff as much as I used to. So that's a good sign I guess. But it's too bad that I am not able to write about stuff unless I have a reason to.
Before I end this - I have to say that there is something amazingly calming about sitting in a room alone - with only a soft light, soft music and a scented candle. There are rare moments when I can enjoy this.. so I am going to go back to it and try to find some inner peace :)
Cheerios!
Saturday, September 5, 2009
Monday, March 9, 2009
today's snow brought me my peace...
Just yesterday I was so low, could never pin point the actual reason for the state of mind. Prayed for some peace of mind and went to bed. Guess was just thinking about all the not-so-good stuff that has passed and that has happened recently. But it’s passed and it does not make sense giving it too much thought.
So anyway, got up in the morning – lazy as usual… got dressed to go to work. Checked the weather and saw that it was a wintery mix. Looked out the window and it was snowing! Again! Picked up my cellphone on my way out and saw that there was a message - we get to work from home!!! Yeah! What a way to start the day.
Changed into my home clothes… setup the workstation on the desk in the bedroom; just re-arranged the room yesterday. Now my desk faces the window, so I get a good view when I am working.
It’s beautiful. Though it’s cloudy outside, the snowflakes falling and the snow settled on the roof tops pavement and trees; just makes you feel really calm within. I can just sit here for hours. A cup of coffee in hand and nice soothing music… heaven J
The peace that I prayed for – I got.
Monday, March 2, 2009
Mom... no one can ever take her place in our life...
It’s been a lousy day so far… first of I am down with a cold; this makes me low as it is. On top of that it’s been snowing almost all day and it’s been really gloomy outside. And finally, Rahul’s mom passed away, that was the worst news. Not a very uplifting start to the day or the month.
All day have been trying to think how to put positivity to work in such a situation. But have been coming up with nothing. All I keep thinking about is what he must be going through.
We being so far away from home, feel so helpless. It will take him an entire day to reach home. How does one deal with such a situation?
All of us went to see him in the afternoon. He and Sweta were holding up fine. All they can do is get on the first flight out. It’s just really sad, not being there during the final hours.
To be very honest, I was thinking about how I would deal with such a situation, were something like this happen with me, what would I do? God forbid something like this happening… but it’s just something that came to my mind. I don’t know why… but it just did. What would I do, how would I react…
Now I am wondering, does anyone else ever think like this or about this? The thought, it was scary…
The only thing I wanted to do after coming home was calling and talking to mom but couldn’t do it, as it was very late their time.
And it’s weird how we are wired inside. One incident is all it takes to bring out all the insecurities within us that we have been hiding. Something gets you down and all the other things that make us low, the thoughts that we have been able to keep under wraps, come creeping out making us feel worse than ever.
Its 6:00pm on 2nd March… the day is almost come to an end… am sitting at home, with a cup of coffee writing this. Hoping that by getting these thoughts out on paper, I will feel a little better.
Just remembered something… this other thing… was chatting with a friend the other day and he was really sick… he’d been like that for almost a week… told him to go see a doctor, but he was trying to put it off… then he got worse… told me that he wanted to go back home and was missing his family.
Just another incident that makes you feel helpless. Makes you realize that you are all alone here. Yes, you may have a lot of friends, but at the end of the day, they all leave and you are left alone. It’s just not the same as having your mom there… to make soup or remind you to take your medicines…
Mom – no one can ever replace this one person in our life… no matter how much we argue or fight with her. At the end of the day, we want her near us when we are feeling low.
Miss you mom, hope you come visit soon...
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
Back in Amrika!!
After all the hassle at the Indian airport, it felt good to be on the flight ready to take off. Did not expect Valentines Day to end the way it did. Was left wondering what else was in store on this trip. But I guess the adventure ended with the day and that was a good thing :)
Had a good flight but the anxiety came back when I was standing in line for getting the immigration done. All the thoughts about how things could go wrong rushed in my head but then I reminded myself of all the books that I have been reading about being positive and stuff... well that helped. It was just great to hear the 'Thap thap' of the stamps on the passport and the officer at the immigration desk say 'Welcome'. The worst was over.
While I went on my way completing the other formalities, it left me wondering how different it felt being here. Different in the way of people greeting you, smiling at you as you passed them. I was back in the land of 'Hi's and Hello's', Sorry's and Excuse Me's and the one thing I like the most...Smiles... lots of them.
People being calm and patient, no one getting irritated while waiting for their turn in the line.
I had to collect my luggage and then find my way to the AirTrain to get to terminal 8 from terminal 4 for my connecting flight to Boston. I asked my way around and then this really nice person on the train gave me tips on how to get out of the train without having my cart stuck between the platform and the train door.
I found the check-in place and after that was done went on my way to finish the security check. I was waiting in line there when I heard some one call out 'Come on over here honey'... yes people talk like this to strangers here... not all of them of course, but I have come across a lot of such people. I cannot even imagine someone being so sweet back home. Like I mentioned before people back home are just very hassled.
For breakfast had a grilled cheese sandwich. I actually smiled at myself and said - welcome to Amrika when I was trying to choose what I would eat.. No more Wada Pav or Samosa... or bhel puri or theplas and parathas served hot :) THAT is what we miss here... the food choices and the side dish that comes with all of them when at home - LOVE.
Once the security was done.. i was on my way to waiting for 4 - 6 hours to get on my flight to Boston. Luckily for me, I got on an earlier flight and so did my luggage. I reached home 2 hours ahead of time. Which was great. My friends came to pick me up at the airport, we took a cab back home and then I went over to their place for lunch stayed till dinner and then came back home at around 930... Slept like a log. Now am sitting on my side of the couch :) typing this email while sipping a cup of black coffee.
Though every other person you cross on the street greets you with a smile, they do it out of habit. Its wired in them. You like it in the beginning but then realize that its only a habit and that you have caught it too. You too smile and greet the person. You catch it on so fast that when we come back home and do the same, people wonder if we are crazy :)
But with all of this... Home is still home... even though people dont smile at you or greet you on the streets, the love that you find there is something that you will never find anywhere else in the world. Once you make a relation, people live upto it till the end. That is something that you dont find here. Here everything is just a formality. Everything happens with appointments.
Honestly, during this trip home I was actually torn between staying or leaving. I really liked my trip there, I felt connected and wanted to stay more. I was very confused as to what my future plans should be. While staying in the US has its own pros, coming back also seems a viable option.
Only time will tell what happens... for now of course am missing home and wish people were here... its super silent here, will take some time to get used to it...
Have now decided to try and stay more in touch with family. Well... have to go and get ready to go for lunch at a friends place... have to start cooking in the evening... Routine shuru :)
Here's to keeping in touch and staying connected...
Had a good flight but the anxiety came back when I was standing in line for getting the immigration done. All the thoughts about how things could go wrong rushed in my head but then I reminded myself of all the books that I have been reading about being positive and stuff... well that helped. It was just great to hear the 'Thap thap' of the stamps on the passport and the officer at the immigration desk say 'Welcome'. The worst was over.
While I went on my way completing the other formalities, it left me wondering how different it felt being here. Different in the way of people greeting you, smiling at you as you passed them. I was back in the land of 'Hi's and Hello's', Sorry's and Excuse Me's and the one thing I like the most...Smiles... lots of them.
People being calm and patient, no one getting irritated while waiting for their turn in the line.
I had to collect my luggage and then find my way to the AirTrain to get to terminal 8 from terminal 4 for my connecting flight to Boston. I asked my way around and then this really nice person on the train gave me tips on how to get out of the train without having my cart stuck between the platform and the train door.
I found the check-in place and after that was done went on my way to finish the security check. I was waiting in line there when I heard some one call out 'Come on over here honey'... yes people talk like this to strangers here... not all of them of course, but I have come across a lot of such people. I cannot even imagine someone being so sweet back home. Like I mentioned before people back home are just very hassled.
For breakfast had a grilled cheese sandwich. I actually smiled at myself and said - welcome to Amrika when I was trying to choose what I would eat.. No more Wada Pav or Samosa... or bhel puri or theplas and parathas served hot :) THAT is what we miss here... the food choices and the side dish that comes with all of them when at home - LOVE.
Once the security was done.. i was on my way to waiting for 4 - 6 hours to get on my flight to Boston. Luckily for me, I got on an earlier flight and so did my luggage. I reached home 2 hours ahead of time. Which was great. My friends came to pick me up at the airport, we took a cab back home and then I went over to their place for lunch stayed till dinner and then came back home at around 930... Slept like a log. Now am sitting on my side of the couch :) typing this email while sipping a cup of black coffee.
Though every other person you cross on the street greets you with a smile, they do it out of habit. Its wired in them. You like it in the beginning but then realize that its only a habit and that you have caught it too. You too smile and greet the person. You catch it on so fast that when we come back home and do the same, people wonder if we are crazy :)
But with all of this... Home is still home... even though people dont smile at you or greet you on the streets, the love that you find there is something that you will never find anywhere else in the world. Once you make a relation, people live upto it till the end. That is something that you dont find here. Here everything is just a formality. Everything happens with appointments.
Honestly, during this trip home I was actually torn between staying or leaving. I really liked my trip there, I felt connected and wanted to stay more. I was very confused as to what my future plans should be. While staying in the US has its own pros, coming back also seems a viable option.
Only time will tell what happens... for now of course am missing home and wish people were here... its super silent here, will take some time to get used to it...
Have now decided to try and stay more in touch with family. Well... have to go and get ready to go for lunch at a friends place... have to start cooking in the evening... Routine shuru :)
Here's to keeping in touch and staying connected...
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
I lost my Happy Place
It's a beautiful day today and I have been inside with the curtains pulled shut, sitting in a dark room with my laptop in front of me.
Have been thinking of all that has happened and all that is yet to come. None of it makes any sense. I keep wondering about the things that have happened and don't know why they did, just can't make any sense out of it. Would I do them differently if I had a chance - you bet I would!
I don't know what is planned for me, but I do know this that what ever I do today is going to be a part of what I get tomorrow. So I have decided to do things differently from now on. Not let the past ruin what I have today. I saw what it does to me when I end up thinking of all that has gone by and frankly, I don't like what I become when I am there.
Sometimes I just feel like going away. Just getting away from everything that is real. But I guess it's not possible in the real world... you just can't cut yourself out of the picture. Whatever I have to do is going to have to be done by staying right here, in the now.
I guess we have to keep doing a self check every now and then. Have to remind ourselves that things are not all that bad. And when they do get bad, we just have to open the curtains and look outside... only then will we see that the day is clear and its beautiful outside. And everything is going to be just fine.
I lost my happy place a few days back... and then realized that it was right in front of me all the time... all I had to do was open the curtains...
Have been thinking of all that has happened and all that is yet to come. None of it makes any sense. I keep wondering about the things that have happened and don't know why they did, just can't make any sense out of it. Would I do them differently if I had a chance - you bet I would!
I don't know what is planned for me, but I do know this that what ever I do today is going to be a part of what I get tomorrow. So I have decided to do things differently from now on. Not let the past ruin what I have today. I saw what it does to me when I end up thinking of all that has gone by and frankly, I don't like what I become when I am there.
Sometimes I just feel like going away. Just getting away from everything that is real. But I guess it's not possible in the real world... you just can't cut yourself out of the picture. Whatever I have to do is going to have to be done by staying right here, in the now.
I guess we have to keep doing a self check every now and then. Have to remind ourselves that things are not all that bad. And when they do get bad, we just have to open the curtains and look outside... only then will we see that the day is clear and its beautiful outside. And everything is going to be just fine.
I lost my happy place a few days back... and then realized that it was right in front of me all the time... all I had to do was open the curtains...
Thursday, June 12, 2008
The effect of a Song....
Its weird how a song has the power to bring back the oldest memory in such deep detail that you remember everything, even things you want to forget...
A song, the words... bring back everything...put you back in that moment. You can see yourself in the exact location or state you were in. What you were wearing, the ambiance, the smell and over all, THE FEELING... you feel the exact same thing you felt at that moment.
The heart captures whatever happens in those few minutes to a song that was playing at that moment. And of course this happens only when that moment means something to you... it doesn't matter if later on in life you think of that moment in the same way... you might want to hold on to it or completely forget it... whatever the case that one song just brings it all back to life...
Just another way our mind works... associating memories to a song... i wonder if we can do more with this power (can I call it a power?) or ability that we have...
A song, the words... bring back everything...put you back in that moment. You can see yourself in the exact location or state you were in. What you were wearing, the ambiance, the smell and over all, THE FEELING... you feel the exact same thing you felt at that moment.
The heart captures whatever happens in those few minutes to a song that was playing at that moment. And of course this happens only when that moment means something to you... it doesn't matter if later on in life you think of that moment in the same way... you might want to hold on to it or completely forget it... whatever the case that one song just brings it all back to life...
Just another way our mind works... associating memories to a song... i wonder if we can do more with this power (can I call it a power?) or ability that we have...
Monday, April 14, 2008
My Bucket List.... :)
Have written so much about everyday things that happen in life and make you think... thought of putting down somethings that I keep saying I want to do... it goes like... i have to do this... and have to see this.... well... here's what I want to do... (inspired from the Movie - The Bucket List...)..not necessarily in this order...
- Lose Weight
- Visit Europe
- Buy my own house
- Learn Photography
- Learn to speak a foreign language
- Learn to play at least one instrument
- Re-do the entire kitchen at my parents house as a gift to Mom.
- Sky dive
- White water Rafting
- See all of India
- Visit Alaska
- See the northern lights (Auroras)
- Go to the Caribbea
- Learn to swim.... almost there!!!
- Go SCUBA diving
- ...many more to be added..
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