Love is a bitch...

They say 'Life is a Bitch'; but I say 'Love is a Bitch'... it bites you when you least expect it and the bite stings...

Ok, so this time it's gonna be a bit more personal than always. There are a zillion questions on my mind right now - why am I always attracted to guys who are wrong for me? They are not bad people, just the wrong fit for me. Why is it that I always make th wrong choices when it comes to love? Well, there are no real answers to these very real questions, so I am not going to spend time in digging my brain trying to find any. Let that go, is what I tell myself. I am trying to be positive these days and its not easy. Its tough being positive when all you encounter on your way there is mostly disappointments. But I suppose passing them and not letting go is half the battle won. But the war is still on. And the worst part is, you are at war with yourself.

Talking a zillion people will only get you a zillion opinions and a trillion advices. But in the end its you that has to make the decision. I have been told that we talk to a lot of people trying to find that one person who agrees with what's on our mind. And when we get that affirmation we were looking for, to do whatever it is you are trying to do - be it buying a new pair of shoes you know you don't need or trying to confess your sentiments to that one person you think is the one, we feel like we are going in the right direction. We do what we have been meaning to do even though it might not really be the right thing.

Not working - I have talked to a lot of people and have heard varied arguments. Some of them were downright negative; and believe me you that when you are walking on the positive path listening to people puke out negative sentiments is not easy, it makes you sick to find out that anyone can be that negative; and there were some who made a lot of sense and some who just agreed with me without any oppositions. In the end, I am left standing with no real answers, just a lot more to think about.

I have been asked to play all sorts of mind games to find out things, but where does that leave me. I had made a decision which was shot down at once and by a majority vote too. But ever since I have taken that advice, all I am feeling is confusion and restlessness.

All of it has only left me thinking - and I don't know if I will ever find the answer to this one too - Is it really worth it? Are all these mind games really necessary, and then they say girls are manipulative - hmph! Can i not just be straight with the dude and bring this to an end. I was ready for the consequences of it since day one.

I have realized one thing today - all this has only left me bitter and resentful towards the one person I liked. Maybe he does not reciprocate the same feelings which is fine by the way. I was ready for that. But all this discussion has done, is found a way to bring back those negative thoughts and a lot of 'ifs' and 'buts'.

It's lead me to wonder - why do we make things so complicated? Yes, being straight forward might lead us to heartache and disappointments, but in the end we are doing the right thing - are we not? Why go through the torture of not talking and being in touch, when we can have those happy moments to remember later on rather than wondering and having that big what if hanging on our heads all the time?

Well, I don't think there is a straight answer to this one either... Do you?

Desires...so close yet so far...

I wish I had a nice house, I wish I had a car, a new phone, a pet; the list never ends does it? No matter where you are in life, there is always that one thing you wish you had. Not always possible though. Sometimes you are in such a situation that no matter how bad you want something, how practical it might seem to get it, you just can't.

The reasons could be anything - disagreements in the family about why you need that something, your in-decisiveness, too many options etc. Sometimes you want it but the situation warrants something else. You know that the right thing would be put it out of your mind and move on, but it's never easy is it? Specially if you have your heart set on it. Desire can be a killer in such situations. You are angry at the whole world for putting you in this situation but your mind tells you that feeling angry and let down is not right, that for now letting it go is the thing to do. It's a tug-of-war between your heart and mind.

What should you do then? What if this situation will never pass and if it does, what guarantee that something else won't crop up? How much more to wait? Should one go ahead and get the thing they desire irrespective of what others say? But that would be wrong and you would only feel guilty and sad if you are the only one who is excited about it and end up alone with everyone else frowning down on you!

It's a difficult situation. At the end I guess it's all about patience. It does reap the best fruit right? Just because we can't get something right away does not mean we will never get it. So I guess it's safe to say that keep the desire alive but put on simmer rather than high heat. That way it will not boil and overflow. It will simply stay there gathering heat and will be well done when the time is right. Yeah?

CheerS!